Workshop on the Emotional Impact of Fraud and Scams
It is a helpless feeling when you have been, or someone you care about has been scammed. The damage has been done and it often feels like there is nothing you can do. Most of the time the scammer can’t be found and people do the best they can to protect themselves from further financial or legal harm but it doesn’t feel like much, or enough. We have created this workshop on the emotional impact of fraud and scams to help people find their way through the difficult time after something like this happens to them.
Scams come in many forms. we have heard of scams related to finding a job, seeking romance, people posing as IRS agents, calls about your home computer, and many more. Scammers are getting more and more creative, and it leaves all of us skeptical and on our guard. The people that do these scams are also very good at what they do, and sometimes very smart people are fooled.
In our workshop, the main things we discuss are how fraud and scams affect people emotionally and mentally, what a person can do to help themselves if they’ve been victimized, and what friends and family can do to help a loved one who has been victimized.
This workshop will be held on Thursday evenings at the Ken Caryl location, from 6-7:30p, at a cost of $45 per person. Please call 303-801-7878 or email email@example.com to reserve a seat. (Workshops are not every Thursday evening, please contact us for the next date)
We will discuss the following effects, which are very common:
- loss of trust in others
- loss of a sense of security
We will also discuss things a person can do to take care of himself or herself – such as leaning on their support system of caring family and friends, taking time for self care activities, and not getting caught in negative or distorted thought patterns associated with the fraud/scam.
And, we will also discuss the following five ideas about how family and friends can help a person who has been scammed, and expand on each of these because each of them can be helpful to both family and friends AND a person who has been the victim of fraud or a scam.
Listen and empathize without judgment. Offering a shoulder to cry on is a no-brainer. But it’s important to listen and empathize without judging this person. He is probably already judging himself and beating himself up worse than you ever could, and it is a priceless gift to have someone to talk to who will not judge you for a mistake. People who have been scammed could always use someone to listen without judgment while they process what has happened and figure out how they go forward.
“What were you thinking?”
“How could you be fooled by that?”
“I would never have fallen for that.”
“Everybody knows about that scam.”
Scammers play on people’s emotions, needs and fears. Sometimes we can be more easily fooled when the scammer presents an easy way to get something we want very badly, or a way to avoid something we are very afraid of. The way our brains tend to work in these situations makes it easier for a scammer to get what they want out of us. These statements only bring on even more embarrassment, shame and self-doubt. This isn’t helpful!
Remind them this does not mean they are stupid. Scammers are extremely good at what they do. They use tactics based in human psychology to get people to miss important clues that something is not as it seems. One way they do this is to spend a lot of time talking with the person they want to scam to gain credibility, such as in romance or “sweetheart scams.” Another is to emphasize that the person must act quickly to avoid a problem (like the IRS scams) or to gain something (such as a job). Scammers often sound very friendly and concerned about the person they are trying to scam.
These are just a few examples of the skills scammers use to their advantage and it is important to encourage the person you care about to look at the situation realistically and determine what made her vulnerable, instead of concluding that she “must be stupid” if she fell for a scam.
Focus on what can be done. It is very common for someone who is in (or has been in) a very difficult situation to think endlessly about all the things he wishes he would have done differently. People get emotionally “stuck” in this sometimes, and for many reasons can’t get out of this unhelpful thought pattern.
Encourage him to focus his energy on the things he can control, not the things he can’t. One thing that tends to help a person get “unstuck” is to take some kind of action to make things better, no matter how small it is. For instance, if the person you care about feels better by:
- Getting educated on scams or psychological tactics scammers use to prevent getting scammed again, or
- Getting involved with an organization that supports people who have been scammed, or
- Reporting the crime
…then encourage him to do it. These are positive actions that help people heal. They are also focused on the future instead of the past, which can help shift a person’s attitude to see the situation as a lesson learned and a mistake instead of feeling like a complete failure in life.
Encourage her to forgive herself. I think this has been the hardest thing to achieve for clients I have worked with. The person who was scammed may feel like a complete failure in life after they realize what has happened. She loses sight of the fact that although the consequences may be harsh, it is still a mistake and not a statement about who she is as a person. We all make mistakes at times, and to encourage her to forgive herself can hopefully help her to find peace of mind again.